They should really pass out barf bags in church
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Floor bacon is actually really good
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
