Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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