arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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