I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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