2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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