i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
