Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize