YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm too high and old for this...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
