so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
