So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
