You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
