The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
