I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize