I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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