threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
