suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
