my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
