You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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