if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
