I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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