I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
