you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
