Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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