I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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