What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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