so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
