Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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