I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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