my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
