They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
