i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
