U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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