it wasn't lemon gatorade
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
