We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
