Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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