Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
