Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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