Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
