My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
