Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize