you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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