At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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