if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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