I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
