I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
