She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
