Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize