I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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