Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
