He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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