i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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