So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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