He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize