you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
