You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
