I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
