Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
