I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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