tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
