Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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