What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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