Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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