every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
