Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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