My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
