life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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