just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
