i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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