Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize