Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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