She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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