I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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