ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦â€â™€ï¸
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