I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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