U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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