I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
