She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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