i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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