whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
