Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
