i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Randomize