Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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