Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
