She announced her abortion via fbk
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
