Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
