He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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