For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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