Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize