Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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