so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
