You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
