how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
