broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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