some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
