So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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