i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
